Tax & Accountancy Jokes & Quotes

Jokes:

For every tax problem there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated and wrong.

People who complain about paying their income tax can be divided into two types: men and women.

"What's the difference between an overzealous tax auditor and a rottweiler? Answer: "A rottweiler eventually lets go!"

"How can you tell when a tax auditor is trying to trap you into a confession?" Answer: "When his lips are moving."

"Why do sharks not attack tax auditors?" Answer: "Professional courtesy."

Due to taxation, politicians find it increasingly difficult to reconcile their net incomes with their gross habits.

To err is human - and to blame it on the Government is even more so.

Death: "to stop paying taxes suddenly."

Where there's a will there's a tax shelter.

Tax loopholes are like parking meters. As soon as you see one they're gone.

A dollar saved is bound to be taxed.

The ideal solution is for the Government to live within its means not yours.

Some say that nobody should keep too much to themselves. The tax office is of the same opinion.

A 35 year old Chartered Accountant died of a heart attack and challenged St Peter "why now?" "Well" said St Peter, "we looked at the bills you have sent your clients and reckoned you must have been at least 90 to have charged that many billable hours."

Quotes:: "The trick is to stop thinking of it as 'your' money." (Tax Auditor)
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax!" (Albert Einstein)

"When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income." (Plato)

"There are two distinct classes of men... those who pay taxes and those who receive and live upon taxes." (Thomas Paine)

"The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul." (George Bernard Shaw)

"There is no art which one government sooner learns from another than that of draining money from the pockets of the people." (Adam Smith)

"He who has the base necessities of life should pay nothing; taxation on him who has a surplus may, if need be; extend to everything beyond necessities." (Jean Jacques Rousseau)

"Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten" (Lord Bramwell)

"War involves in its progress such a train of unforeseen and unsupposed circumstances that no human wisdom can calculate the end. It has but one thing certain, and that is to increase taxes." (Thomas Paine)

"In the matter of taxation, every privilege is an injustice." (Voltaire)

"But in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes." (Benjamin Franklin)

"A taxpayer is someone who works for the federal government but who doesn't have to take a civil service examination." (Ronald Reagan)

"Does self assessment mean that Australia will becomes a land of untold wealth?"

"There can be no doubt concerning the duty of each citizen to bear a part of the public expense. But the state on its part, insofar as it is charged with protecting and promoting the common good of its citizens, is under an obligation to assess upon them only necessary levies, which are, furthermore, proportionate to their means." (Pius XII)